Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
