I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
