i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
