sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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