Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
