So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
