i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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