She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you never un-have a 4some
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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