Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize