dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
