And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
