They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So much rum. So many feels.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
