Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
