his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
