I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
