alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
