threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
