HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
