I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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