You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
