she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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