Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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