and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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