Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
