i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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