OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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