I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
