I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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