i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
