he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
