just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize