i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
