Don't you send me to vm
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize