Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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