Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
