well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
