It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
