So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
