I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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