I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
