i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
