Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
