So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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