You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
