Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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