I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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