I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
