She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
