hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
