i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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