a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
