I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
