Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
