Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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