Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
