how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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