My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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