Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
