I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
