my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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