I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what day is it and did you see me today?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
