yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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