So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
