Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize