Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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