I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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