i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
