the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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