I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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