Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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