Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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