i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
