why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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