i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
