He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
