i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
