Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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